Nancy K. Arnold Artist/Brain Injury Survivor & Advocate My journey with art began at a very young age. I was always creating something. My father would often say..."hey busy fingers...what ya' creating this time?" Most of the time I was just making a big mess with clay, papier mache', or popsicle sticks. But I loved being creative, and getting messy. It was never really about "what" I was making, but rather "where" the art was taking me. I'd drift away and imagine these clay figures interacting with one another or imagine the little popsicle stick raft taking me on a journey across the sea. Yes...I'd drift away...and I was happy. In 2015, I brought this love for art into my classroom, as an Early Childhood Special Education teacher. "Learning is Messy" was our classroom motto. I discovered early on in my teaching career, that my students were much more engaged, communicated more enthusiastically, and were better regulated and happy when they, too, could explore learning through various art mediums. The messier the better! Unfortunately in 2019, things got a little too messy. While supervising children on our school playground, I was tragically attacked by another teacher's student and suffered a mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI). Due to the horrific nature of this event and the lack of knowledge others had, as to how seriously to take this injury, I ended up with Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS), PTSD, and a variety of life-altering changes in the way my brain would now communicated with all of the other systems in my body. These next few years were quite dark for me. My identity, as I knew it, was gone. I wasn't "Teacher Nancy" anymore and my ability to juggle being a wife, mother, teacher, student, etc. was more than my little brain could handle. I had instantly become reliant on my husband and children to pick up the pieces and adjust to the rollercoaster ride that would now be our lives. In an effort to bring some levity to our new familial dynamic, my kids and husband began referring to me as... "Little Dizzy"...or "Lil' Diz" for short, because of the frequent vestibular, vision, and memory challenges I was displaying. I now know they were just trying to lighten the weight of my grief (and their's), but this nickname really hurt a bit, at first. I didn't like being called dizzy or forgetful, and owning a title like this, felt as if I was accepting all of these new challenges as permanent. But over time, I realized that in order for me to recover, I, too, had to lighten the heaviness of it all. I had to find a way to make peace with the past and accept what was, for now. So I embraced "Lil' Diz"! Fortunately, this new found acceptance also came with determination. I was determined to not let what happened to me, go to waste. I started looking at each new challenge as a gift, rather than a life sentence. Not only had I gained unique insight into the life of someone disabled, but I understood better now, how unforeseen events can truly affect the entire family. I had to find a way to share this new knowledge and support those struggling alone in the dark, like me,...so Little Dizzy got busy. I began researching as much as I could about brain injuries, concussions, treatments, therapies, specialists,...you name it. I tried as many treatments and therapies, as I could, and would share these experiences with other brain injury survivors and their families. I joined support groups, started to share my story online, returned to graduate school, and I began to use my voice in a way I had never used it before. Little Dizzy was on a mission! Unfortunately, I had not yet learned how to properly pace myself without paying for it, and life again got messy. Disregulation, anxiety, flooding, migraines, insomnia, and the most extreme fatigue you can imagine, became a common occurrence for me. I needed to learn how to slow things down and adjust to this new pacing, if I was ever going to be able to recover well enough to advocate for others. But how? It was then that I discovered art therapy. This specific therapy, not only, targeted the grief and trauma I was still carrying around since the attack, but it focused on calming my spirit so that my nervous system could take a much needed break. I made a pack early on, not to be too judgmental of my work. It wasn't what I was creating, but instead, what this process was creating in me...a calmer, safer, more regulated Little Diz...ready to start over again and embrace my new identity, as an artist and advocate. With that said, I am still just a beginner on this journey. Pacing takes practice and life still gets messy. But that's okay. It's in these messy moments where I often find the strength I didn't know I had. And when I need a break from being strong, I now know I can always return to my art, put a brush in my hand, and drift away for awhile. In the meantime... it is my hope that the words I've shared here, and the art I create on this recovery journey, might benefit others in some small way and take us all back to a time in our lives when it was okay to get a little messy. Thanks for taking the time to visit Little Dizzy Designs... Nancy K. Arnold (aka Lil' Diz)